Spin-proof snapshots of America                           

Smackdown

Reader Q & A with Dr. Spade

Hi, Dr. Spade.

#$$%@@!!! that [expletive]  Richard Clarke, and that skank Cindy Sheehan, and [expletive] #$%@@!! [expletive] [expletive] Hillary.

- Deeply Concerned

Could you repeat that?

Hi, Dr. Spade.

Sure. I was just wondering why female liberals, unlike male ones, must always be insulted with sexual slurs (more examples here, here, and here)?

- Fairly Deeply Concerned

Dr. Spade can only say that when mentions "values," he means things like "respect for others," just as when he mentions "argument" he means "a position based on logic, not on "crass personal insults," like pointing out that Michael Moore is fat.

But as you know, Dr. Spade is not a conservative.

Hi, Dr. Spade. Michael Moore -- who is really fat --- has distorted facts in his books.

Distorting facts is lying. Moore is a liar. Moore is a liberal. Liberals are liars, Q.E.D.

- Socrates

The reasoning here is similar to that in the conservative chat rooms about the satanist dancing on Reagan's grave, which provoked many "This is why I [expletive] hate liberals."

Yes, Michael Moore should be more careful in his research. When he, like Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly,

misrepresents the facts, he weakens his argument. But, please, careful with that logic:

God is love. Love is blind. Ray Charles is blind...

The Conservative Socratic Method

  1) Deny any charge against conservatives.

  2) Change the subject to attack liberals or liberal bias.

       You could, like the posters above, call Richard Clarke a "bozo," an "idiot," a "scumbag," a "traitor," "a "prostitute," a "dick," or a "whoring Kerry-propagandist."

      or you could point out that Michael Moore is fat.

      or, when in doubt, you could just disparage the "liberal media."

  3) Invoke the Clintons.

Let's take an example.

Suppose Dr. Spade were to ask you,

      "If Karl Rove endangered an American agent by revealing her name and mission, then lied about it, don't you think he should be dismissed?"

      You could respond with

1) "Rove didn't break any laws, and

2) why is the liberal media, and that hefty Michael Moore, all over this when

3) they didn't care about the lies from that rapist Clinton?"

You try:

"Isn't it true that the independent General Accounting Office found the Bush tax cuts went "overwhelmingly" to those earning more than $900,000 annually?"

If you answered, "The Bush tax cuts benefited everyone, while balancing the bleeding-heart handouts of the Clinton administration," you may go on to the next question.

Hi, Dr. Spade. Why do we never see parking meters being emptied of coins?

- Ticketmaster

They're done at the same time as pay phones.

Hi, Dr. Spade. I read on the Internet that [Bill Clinton] [George Bush] [John Kerry] [Richard Clarke] [Erik Estrada] conceived an illegitimate child on a drug-fueled evening with a Saudi stewardess while on an unconstitutional mission to sell chemical weapons to Syria.

- Upstanding Citizen

You must be very proud.

See our Erik Estrada page.

Have a burning question? Write to Dr. Spade.